Welcome And The Core Warning

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Hey ladies, welcome to the Mom to Mentor Podcast, where this podcast reminds you that you are more than a mom. A nurturer, you are a mentor. Hey, I'm gonna get right into it today of our topic, which is don't kill the dream. Every child carries a dream. And some of those dreams never make it past our living rooms. And our ears for that matter. Not because they weren't possible, but because someone they loved told them it couldn't be done. And who was that? Yeah, that's us, mom. Yeah. And I'm gonna get into some real life examples in a few minutes of how we kill dreams, unfortunately. Let's talk about breaking that cycle because it started with me and my mom, unknowingly. Now I'm not here to bash or anything like that, but that's how it started. And I didn't think I purposely carried it over. However, it did. It got introduced into my sons and daughters' lives and their purposes and things that they wanted to do. Maybe there was some residuals from what my mom said to me when I told her about my dreams. So, as parents, we don't just raise children, we shape futures. Yeah, I told you it's more than just making sure they're fed and they have clothes. We have to step up and understand we are their first teacher. And the quickest way to kill a future is to kill a dream. Ouch. And my dream did get killed, and I killed my kids' dreams. Some unknowingly, right? One was due to circumstance, and the other one was I just didn't know any better. I'll get into that in a minute.

What A Child’s Dream Really Is

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So, what's the definition of a dream? A dream for a child is the picture they see in their mind of who they can become and what they want to do in the future. Is their imagination reaching forward, shaped by curiosity, hope, and the belief that anything is possible? A dream is simply a child's way of saying, This is the direction my heart is pointing right now. Now, this is something you may or may not know, moms, and maybe some dads. Kids start dreaming about their future long before we realize it. By age three, they're already imagining who they might become: a hero, a helper, a creator, a leader. Back in the day, I used to go through my mom's jewelry box, you know, and put on her jewelry because I'm like, well, if I'm gonna be somebody and I need to look like it, right? That is factual that this starts early. And as they grow, those dreams shift and sharpen. But the spark starts early. And every time they share a dream with us, they're really asking, is it safe for me to believe in this? Yeah, and our answers matter. Because here's the truth: a child who feels hurt becomes an adult who believes they can. When we listen to their dreams, we're not just supporting a career idea, we're shaping their confidence, their identity, and their belief that their voice matters. And that is the foundation of everything that we will ever become. Why does this topic matter? What does this have to do with mentoring, right? Children form identity through imagination and possibility. Dreams are often the first place they express who they think they can become. Parents, moms, me, words shape confidence more than talent does. A child who feels hurt becomes an adult who believes they can. So again, that's why this topic is so important because dreams brings out their creativity of this is where I want to go in life. And I think I can achieve it.

A Weather Dream Shut Down

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I told you I was gonna provide you with some real life examples. As I was growing up, I was extremely fascinated, and I still am, when it comes to weather. Yes, it's something about it that I'm like, wow, look at that tornado or what that tornado did, or hurricane season, and I'm watching it, and like, wow, look at all that flooding, what it was like before the hurricane came through and brought all that water and wind and how it just demolished towns. And then about 10 years ago, I live in the Midwest, but the hurricane that came through the Gulf, it ended up here in the Midwest. And as a result of that, the winds and everything, the rain, we had power outages for days. And I was like, wow, how interesting that this storm developed off of the coast of Africa and made its way to the Midwest. It didn't stop down south. And that's fascinating to me to understand how these storms are formed and the impact that they have, you know, like tornadoes, there's the Fujita scale ranked from one to five and the wind strength, just like with hurricanes. You know, if it's a cat five, then you're pretty much looking at total towns wiped out. So you see how I'm able to fluently recite this stuff? Because I studied it. It wasn't a hardship for me to study it. So when I told my mom, and I don't know, maybe I was 10, 11, I don't know. And at that time it was just really about tornadoes. I was just fascinated with that. And I told her, I was like, mom, I want to study about the weather. I want to learn more about tornadoes. And again, this is not to bash my mom, but to give you real life examples of the impact that it had on me based on her response. And she said, You don't want to do that. That's dangerous. And I'm like, oh, wow. Okay. Now, on the news, what do you see? They have meteorologists all the time that's giving us details about the weather and storms and all of that stuff. But yet they're alive. I've never heard of one. But that's another story for another time. But that's what she told me. She said, You don't want to do that. It's dangerous. And I'm like, wow, okay, back to the drawing board, maybe. So confusion set in because she dismissed it. Yes, my feelings were hurt. And I was dealing with all kinds of emotions as a result of her saying, you don't want to do

When Our Kids Share Big Plans

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that. Let's move this forward as it relates to my kids. Now, my daughter came to me and she says, Mom, I want to join the Navy. And I said, No. And the reason I said no is because I've just heard horror stories about women and the Navy. And so that's why. But here's the thing. My mom, when she said no, she did, you know, come back and say why she said no, which it was dangerous. Now, my issue was when I told my daughter no about joining the Navy, I didn't follow up with the reason. I just said, nah, you don't want to do that. When I should have said, you know, I've heard some things that I'm concerned with, or let's talk through it, let's investigate. There's always going to be a lot of noise about different things, right? I should have just said, let's talk about it, let's investigate it. And why do you want to join the Navy? I didn't even ask her. And even my mom, she didn't ask me, Why do you want to study weather? Because I would have told her I'm fascinated about it. It's interesting how it forms and the impact that it has. But she never asked me why. She just said, nope, it's too dangerous. With my daughter, nope, not a good idea. Now, my son, he never came to me with a real passion of what he wanted to do. But in his situation, I was very supportive. But my circumstances didn't allow me to let him pursue his dream. And he wanted to join the band. Part of joining the band, you had to purchase your own instrument. Well, as a single mom, and back then I'm just trying to make sure I keep a roof over our heads, I keep food in us, and making sure all basics are taken care of. It was one of the horns he wanted to play. I went and applied to see if I couldn't do this on credit. Oops. Well, needless to say, I couldn't get credit. And as a result of not getting credit, I couldn't get him the instrument. And I was very supportive of him being in the band. So another dream killed because not that I didn't want him to, because circumstances didn't allow it. Yeah. Now, did I sit down and talk to my son about it? Yes and no. I said, unfortunately, you need the instrument and I need to buy it, and I don't have the money for it. And I don't know how to get it. I wasn't getting child support or any other type of support. So we just couldn't do it at that time. And then later on, after I had told a few people about it, they was like, Did you ever consider a pawn shop? I guess I could have bought him a mouthpiece, but I wasn't thinking like that. He knew the reason why he couldn't join the band. So, ladies, again, some of the dream killing we do is on purpose, some of it isn't. But the key is we have to number one, listen. Number two, explain why. Hopefully, you will sit down, have a conversation with your child or your children about their dream. And how can you assist in making that happen? Because most things that they're trying to do, like for me, you know, to become a meteorologist, that's a long way off. And I think I was just 10 when I talked to my mom about it, right? We still got time. But either way, we have to learn to talk with our children.

Fear And Control Disguised As Love

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Why parents sometimes kill dreams without meaning to? We don't mean to sabotage our children when we impose our dreams onto their lives. Yeah, sometimes we do that. Most parents don't do it on purpose. We do it out of love, out of fear, out of wanting them to have a better life than we did. But when we push our dreams onto them, even with good intentions, we send a silent message. Who you are isn't enough. Be who I need you to be. Yeah. And so subconsciously, that could be why we're killing their dreams because it doesn't align with who we think they should be. Mm-hmm. All right, moms, and maybe some dads. Kids don't need us to script their future. They need us to support their future. You ask questions, you get curious instead of correcting. You know, again, a simple why do you want to do that? Let them explore without pressure. You know, my mom could say, hey, go get you a couple encyclopedias. And I know I hear you say encyclopedias, but that's what it was like when I was growing up. Or let's watch the news together. Let's watch the weather person as they deliver the daily weather report. Something to really get me motivated and really understand it more because things can change. Maybe it really isn't what I wanted to do. Well, I knew I didn't want to do daily updates, but when it came to those catastrophic weather events, I was just fascinated by it. Again, allow your child to change their mind. It's a part of growth. Maybe they just experienced a little something, said this is the direction I want to go in. And in reality, once they do do a deeper dive, yeah, I don't want to do that. That is absolutely fair, but you have got to give them that flexibility to go in and change their mind. Sometimes kids change their minds every week, and that's okay. That's part of discovering who they are. Our role isn't to lock them into one path. Our role, mom, is to keep the door open long enough for them to walk through it with courage.

How To Respond Without Shutting It Down

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So today I want to challenge every parent listening. Before you say that doesn't make sense, or you can't do that, pause, ask questions, get curious, let them dream out loud. You might be surprised by what grows when you stop shutting it down. All right, ladies, I I want you to remember this. Every child carries a dream, and it may not look like yours, sound like yours, or fit the path you imagine, but it's theirs. And when you listen, when you support, and when we speak life instead of limits, we give them that dream room to grow. Our children don't need us to design their future, they need us to believe in their future. So this week, slow down, pay attention, ask questions, celebrate what lights them up. And if you feel yourself slipping into fear or control, pause and remind yourself. My job is not to shape the dream, my job is to shape the confidence behind it. Yeah. All right, ladies. I know today's episode was a little longer than normal, but take it away. Don't kill the dream. Understand the dream. Yeah. Ask questions. And then if it has to be a no, then follow up that no with an explanation. And your child will respect you for that. Because otherwise, they're going to carry this grudge for a long time.

Challenge, Takeaways, And Listener Callout

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And if you were impressed, encouraged by this episode, you know what to do. Tell another mom, tell another parent, this is extremely important to your child's development. Yes. As a mentor, this is what you do. This is what we do. Yeah, we don't sabotage our kids. We understand what their concern is and ask questions. I would love to hear from you. Make some comments on how you feel about Don't Kill the Dream episode. And let me know if there's another topic you'd like for me to research and share with others. And if you want to leave me some feedback and you're okay with using your name, I can post that to my website, SingleMom's United Podcast.com, and share with others out there that may be going through something very similar. And if you have questions, hey, I'm your mentor, mom. So ask me anything and I'll be happy. If I don't have the answer, I'm gonna go find out for you. You have a fabulous day and a marvelous month and a great week.